Showing posts with label IN THE MOOD MONDAY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IN THE MOOD MONDAY. Show all posts
Monday, March 22, 2010
IN THE MOOD MONDAY: A Girl’s Guide to Sex on Spring Break
by Matt Meltzer
If you are female, and heading to Spring Break, your main objective may not be to get laid. This is especially true if you are coming to our little corner of the United States (or so they tell me it is) called South Beach. We are famous for having world-class dance clubs, and lord knows if there is one thing girls love to do it is dance. Alone. Or with friends. But somehow never with us. And don’t worry I have advised the boys to leave you alone while on the dance floor.
But some of you see this as an opportunity to have all the random sex you wanted to have back at school but were to afraid to pursue. And you know it won’t be too tough to accomplish. But as simple as it is for a girl to get laid on Spring Break, there are many issues to consider. Now I have no first had knowledge of this, but what I can tell you is what girls have told me and you may find it surprisingly useful.
IF HE CAN NAME ALL THE CHARACTERS ON “FACTS OF LIFE,” RUN
As a female on Spring Break it is not so much an issue of if you can find someone who wants to sleep with you, it is more an issue of you finding someone suitable. There are a lot of boys out there, and if you are cute (which I’m sure you are all convinced you are) finding a guy to have sex with is easier than getting a drink at most bars. But who to choose and who to avoid?
The absolute worst guy you want to go home with is anyone over the age of 25. They may say they are in grad school or law school or med school or something that sounds equally impressive to girls their age, but most of these guys are nasty locals who make a sexual career out of sleeping with tourists. I know, because I am one. This set is an interesting crowd because they will try to convince you they are older and wiser and somehow a better bet for you and your sorority sisters to come out with, but don’t be fooled - they may be good for a few drinks because it doesn’t take much flirting to boost their aging egos, and they have the disposable income most college students don’t - but you’ll come out ahead sticking to the college guys. They are much less work and you always know what you’re getting. No matter how hard older guys try to convince you, they have lost the necessary stamina for the true 7 day drinking binge, and at least with the college guys you don’t have to worry about making unnecessary conversation about your plans after graduation.
The other downside to older guys, especially ones who live in Miami, is that if they are sleeping with you, they have probably done this with a lot of other tourists. This week. And condoms are by no means a common practice. Remember, Miami locals are not only sleeping with American tourists, but Columbian, Brazilian, Swedish and British tourists as well. So it is really a world of STD’s you are opening yourself up to when going home with a local.
The other downside to older guys, especially ones who live in Miami, is that if they are sleeping with you, they have probably done this with a lot of other tourists. This week. And condoms are by no means a common practice. Remember, Miami locals are not only sleeping with American tourists, but Columbian, Brazilian, Swedish and British tourists as well. So it is really a world of STD’s you are opening yourself up to when going home with a local.
Guys in striped dress shirts who drink Jaeger Bombs and Vodka-Red Bulls all night are not going to be too concerned with giving you a good time, and may be too coked up to perform by the end of the night anyway. And guys in basketball jerseys are, well, guys in basketball jerseys. The best guys to hook up with are the laid back guys who are going out to drink and, if the night goes right, find a nice girl to take home. Or, if the night goes really right, a nasty one.
READ THE REST HERE
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/index.php?/news/comments/a-girls-guide-to-sex/
But some of you see this as an opportunity to have all the random sex you wanted to have back at school but were to afraid to pursue. And you know it won’t be too tough to accomplish. But as simple as it is for a girl to get laid on Spring Break, there are many issues to consider. Now I have no first had knowledge of this, but what I can tell you is what girls have told me and you may find it surprisingly useful.
IF HE CAN NAME ALL THE CHARACTERS ON “FACTS OF LIFE,” RUN
As a female on Spring Break it is not so much an issue of if you can find someone who wants to sleep with you, it is more an issue of you finding someone suitable. There are a lot of boys out there, and if you are cute (which I’m sure you are all convinced you are) finding a guy to have sex with is easier than getting a drink at most bars. But who to choose and who to avoid?
The absolute worst guy you want to go home with is anyone over the age of 25. They may say they are in grad school or law school or med school or something that sounds equally impressive to girls their age, but most of these guys are nasty locals who make a sexual career out of sleeping with tourists. I know, because I am one. This set is an interesting crowd because they will try to convince you they are older and wiser and somehow a better bet for you and your sorority sisters to come out with, but don’t be fooled - they may be good for a few drinks because it doesn’t take much flirting to boost their aging egos, and they have the disposable income most college students don’t - but you’ll come out ahead sticking to the college guys. They are much less work and you always know what you’re getting. No matter how hard older guys try to convince you, they have lost the necessary stamina for the true 7 day drinking binge, and at least with the college guys you don’t have to worry about making unnecessary conversation about your plans after graduation.
The other downside to older guys, especially ones who live in Miami, is that if they are sleeping with you, they have probably done this with a lot of other tourists. This week. And condoms are by no means a common practice. Remember, Miami locals are not only sleeping with American tourists, but Columbian, Brazilian, Swedish and British tourists as well. So it is really a world of STD’s you are opening yourself up to when going home with a local.
The other downside to older guys, especially ones who live in Miami, is that if they are sleeping with you, they have probably done this with a lot of other tourists. This week. And condoms are by no means a common practice. Remember, Miami locals are not only sleeping with American tourists, but Columbian, Brazilian, Swedish and British tourists as well. So it is really a world of STD’s you are opening yourself up to when going home with a local.
Guys in striped dress shirts who drink Jaeger Bombs and Vodka-Red Bulls all night are not going to be too concerned with giving you a good time, and may be too coked up to perform by the end of the night anyway. And guys in basketball jerseys are, well, guys in basketball jerseys. The best guys to hook up with are the laid back guys who are going out to drink and, if the night goes right, find a nice girl to take home. Or, if the night goes really right, a nasty one.
READ THE REST HERE
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/index.php?/news/comments/a-girls-guide-to-sex/
IN THE MOOD MONDAY: Spring Break Sex 101 - An Introduction to Getting Laid in Miami
While searching the net I found this article rather funny!....Enjoy!!
by Matt Meltzer
We can all sit here and talk about “getting away” and “getting some sun” or even “getting hammered,” but there is really only one thing we all go on Spring Break to get, and that is “laid.” The month of March is basically human mating season and the State of Florida is our sacred mating ground. On a typical weeknight in March you can stroll the sands of South Beach and see dozens of couples consummating night-long relationships with people who will forever be known as “Blonde Dartmouth Guy” and “Kinda-Chubby Back Tat Girl.” Because names, like so many other things on Spring Break, are secondary to the sex.
I used to think that sex on Spring Break was another frat-boy overexaggeration like threesomes with strippers and “good grades.” But the longer I’ve lived here, the more I’ve found that sex on spring break is not only common, but more or less expected. By both sexes. So as an experienced Spring Break hooker-upper, I will impart the wisdom I have gained along to you here today.
“But Matt,” you say “You’re a guy. So this guide will be all well and good if you have a Y chromosome and are partial to Ultimate Fighting and strippers. But what about us ladies? Where’s our guide?” And that, ladies, is an excellent question. My advice to women would probably not extend much past “Show up and bring condoms,” but through intensive interviews with experienced female spring breakers, I have produced a guide that will be helpful to you too.
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/index.php?/news/comments/spring-break-sex-101/
by Matt Meltzer
I used to think that sex on Spring Break was another frat-boy overexaggeration like threesomes with strippers and “good grades.” But the longer I’ve lived here, the more I’ve found that sex on spring break is not only common, but more or less expected. By both sexes. So as an experienced Spring Break hooker-upper, I will impart the wisdom I have gained along to you here today.
“But Matt,” you say “You’re a guy. So this guide will be all well and good if you have a Y chromosome and are partial to Ultimate Fighting and strippers. But what about us ladies? Where’s our guide?” And that, ladies, is an excellent question. My advice to women would probably not extend much past “Show up and bring condoms,” but through intensive interviews with experienced female spring breakers, I have produced a guide that will be helpful to you too.
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/index.php?/news/comments/spring-break-sex-101/
Monday, March 8, 2010
IN THE MOOD MONDAY: Why Professional Surfers Don’t Have SEX on Mondays
by Peter Bowes
Preamble: The following and subjugated dissertation is an informal introduction to a timely doctoral thesis that will in time lay bare the psychosis that currently cripples the regenerative drive of the majority of current professional surfers and denies them the few simple pleasures of life that we take for granted.
Mondays; the twenty-four hours from Monday dawn to Tuesday dawn, and that for this exercise will be called the Kelly Slater Episodic (KSE), is a fine example of the driving sources of a reductive sexual drive.
For the professional surfer Mondays are times of personal rehabilitation and personal grooming – particularly after a torrid weekend of camera work.
There is major repair work to be considered for the eyes and lips – uneven tan lines need compensating and the general musculature may need deep manipulation. Noses may need setting, and burst eardrums – rupture of the Tympanic membrane – may require myringoplasty.
In the more destructive cases of unwarranted and poor choice of wave selections personal trainers may need immediate scheduling and deep technical regenerative sessions may also be required where instances of failed technique become obvious through multiple viewings of the previous day’s performance.
Clothing reviews are also best completed early in the week as any substantive changes to the current KS retail line will need at least twenty-four hours lead time for the Chinese factories to deliver to the chains by the following Friday.
Media performance retains a high priority at all times, particularly if the reviews in question involve an expertise in the local dialects. No sense in talking Californian to an Australian interviewer. No sense talking to the Japanese in any language.
Professional and Media managers are to be given all hours access to the performer and their detailed written reports, double-spaced, are expected by the review committee within daylight hours, sameday. The vehicle (KS) that conveys this industry to its weekly targets is expected to remain compliant and receptive until all determinations are made.
Individualism, personal comment, personal opinion, gut feels and this can’t be bloody right emotions are to be handled by the on call medical team.
One Rastovich is more than enough.
This agenda cannot be varied, professional obligations preclude personal needs, and exhaustion is the best inhibitor.
Preamble: The following and subjugated dissertation is an informal introduction to a timely doctoral thesis that will in time lay bare the psychosis that currently cripples the regenerative drive of the majority of current professional surfers and denies them the few simple pleasures of life that we take for granted.
Mondays; the twenty-four hours from Monday dawn to Tuesday dawn, and that for this exercise will be called the Kelly Slater Episodic (KSE), is a fine example of the driving sources of a reductive sexual drive.
For the professional surfer Mondays are times of personal rehabilitation and personal grooming – particularly after a torrid weekend of camera work.
There is major repair work to be considered for the eyes and lips – uneven tan lines need compensating and the general musculature may need deep manipulation. Noses may need setting, and burst eardrums – rupture of the Tympanic membrane – may require myringoplasty.
In the more destructive cases of unwarranted and poor choice of wave selections personal trainers may need immediate scheduling and deep technical regenerative sessions may also be required where instances of failed technique become obvious through multiple viewings of the previous day’s performance.
Clothing reviews are also best completed early in the week as any substantive changes to the current KS retail line will need at least twenty-four hours lead time for the Chinese factories to deliver to the chains by the following Friday.
Media performance retains a high priority at all times, particularly if the reviews in question involve an expertise in the local dialects. No sense in talking Californian to an Australian interviewer. No sense talking to the Japanese in any language.
Professional and Media managers are to be given all hours access to the performer and their detailed written reports, double-spaced, are expected by the review committee within daylight hours, sameday. The vehicle (KS) that conveys this industry to its weekly targets is expected to remain compliant and receptive until all determinations are made.
Individualism, personal comment, personal opinion, gut feels and this can’t be bloody right emotions are to be handled by the on call medical team.
One Rastovich is more than enough.
This agenda cannot be varied, professional obligations preclude personal needs, and exhaustion is the best inhibitor.
IN THE MOOD MONDAY: SONG OF THE DAY
BRANDY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED SINGERS AND ON THIS SONG SHE GOES IN AND GOES OFF IN ALL THE BEST WAYS.....THIS IS A SLOW JAM FOR THAT ASS....PLZ BELIEVE
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